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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2014 23:24:37 GMT -5
I was under great depression. I feel as if I got nothing going for me. I have no real life friends TBH. My last so called best friend abandoned me for his church and friends over there despite all the great things I've done for him, when he had no way of getting back home from work, I'd have him stay at my place, despite getting in trouble with my folks, I gave him food I spent with my own money that I'd rarely get and food was pretty scarce to boot, I was also there for him when his Grandma was giving him some serious BS and he even broke down in tears crying and I was there for him and yet he forgets about me and the things I've done for him and goes to his friends at his church, I even SUPPORTED him going to church. I admit I was an ass about it at first, but if it made him happy then I learned to accept it and was happy for him, I even apologized for it. Despite all of that he abandons me. My other so called friend one day stopped calling my house. I always have to call and do all the footwork in it all the damn time. BUT whenever it came to whatever GF he had, he'd make lots of time for her, he'd call her, have her come over same goes to his one friend Will. He always calls him and have him over. But me I'm continuously shafted which sucks because we'd been friends since Middle School. I have no idea what went wrong. He just doesn't give a fuck. It's thanks to them and many other incidents with ppl that I developed severe trust issues and I no longer can make bonds with new ppl out of fear that I'll receive the same treatment as before. I'm left all alone in my room 24/7 no one calls me, or wants to see me to hang out or anything, yet my sister has her friends, my dad has his friends and my mom has her sisters and one brother. I'm the only one without a special person to come over to see me and vice versa. Then there's school, I'm in a game designing program, sounds fun right? Not as much fun as I hoped. We're on 3dsmax(not the Nintendo 3DS)program always doing 3D models, I have no personal problem with it, but the older instructor of the program told me we were going to do sprites, then modeling, go into Unity and do some photoshop. But we're ALWAYS in 3dsmax and it gets boring. I want to buff my spriting skills and learn how to program, but the new instructor told me that we'll be on 3dsmax mostly and we'll do some Unity but not much, he told me that we won't really dive into the programming in Unity. We'd just use to it to make simple games that don't really require programming and I said wow what I slap in the face. Not only that but I see ppl and their happy little circle of friends all happy laughing and having fun, while I'm all alone. I wake up EVERY morning bored and depressed and wanting the day to be over so I can go home play smash bros. mope and be miserable as I nap throughout most of the day. I hate my shitty life, no one wants/thinks/care about me, I can't find a job to support myself, and the program at school I've sought after so long wasn't as great as I had hoped. Hey it gets better, I've been told there's no guarantee I'll even find work after I'm through with the program and even if I did I may not keep it long since the industry I'm aiming for only looks for temporary help most of the time. Honestly if I died I don't think I'd really care, it's not like anyone will give a shit.  Wave1000 don't come in here with your trolling and playing Devil's Advocate, now's NOT the time for that. I also decided to just let the public know instead of keeping it private. Now you guys all know why I ran off. Although TBH since I'm really miserable I might just run off again(and the other forums I go to)and just lie down in my bed and sleep all day crying and wishing for death. |
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Post by Leon Tekashi on Oct 11, 2014 0:23:06 GMT -5
Damn, I'm so sorry to hear that. It's pretty messed up being shafted by the people you've known for so long.
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Post by h2foxo on Oct 11, 2014 5:06:18 GMT -5
Please Tiger don't be so sad and like this.
Whether this means anything to you or not, you have friends here who do care. You may not have seen it but the moment you left the whole of the shoutbox was all about what had happened, why had you left, how could we contact you, ect. myself included.
It may feel bad now but you are just going through rough times and your still only a student. What about when you start work? You will make a lot of friends there and i found it easier to make friends at work (placement) since you're a team. You have just been unlucky so far.
Saying stuff like "Honestly if I died I don't think I'd really care, it's not like anyone will give a shit." is just foolish, lots of people would care, no one wants to see you die.
This is just a hard level in the game of life, just try your best in it and later stages will get better.
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Post by Dai-T on Oct 11, 2014 7:09:11 GMT -5
why are you mad at me? this same thing happened to me but I never got depression, in fact I have a number of health issues that no one hear would want and surprisingly im still fine but I did have a friend that just had some issues and was in a depression.you really need to take this serious and see if you have a disorder. better to know now then later.
sadly my friend she never took it serious even after we found out it was a disorder.
just try to take care of yourself and know while it may be hard for you now things will not stay bad forever you just keep walking your path and living your life to it's fullest these are only obstacles and they are ment to slow you down not stop you and when you pass them you will be strong for it.
hope you feel better and why do you think I hate you? I have no time for hating individual people.
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Post by Dai-T on Oct 11, 2014 7:14:58 GMT -5
Please Tiger don't be so sad and like this. Whether this means anything to you or not, you have friends here who do care. You may not have seen it but the moment you left the whole of the shoutbox was all about what had happened, why had you left, how could we contact you, ect. myself included. It may feel bad now but you are just going through rough times and your still only a student. What about when you start work? You will make a lot of friends there and i found it easier to make friends at work (placement) since you're a team. You have just been unlucky so far. Saying stuff like "Honestly if I died I don't think I'd really care, it's not like anyone will give a shit." is just foolish, lots of people would care, no one wants to see you die. This is just a hard level in the game of life, just try your best in it and later stages will get better. you dont know how many friends I had to say exactly what you said too. things are not is but as long as it's not health or major money related you can plan ahead and get past but I do know for some it is serious so I would find help if you think it is affecting a person too much. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2014 14:21:14 GMT -5
Thanks everyone, your words mean alot to me. I wasn't sure if posting this was a good idea, since I thought that no one would care or I'd get nasty responses due to the nasty stigma depression has. I'm glad that you guys left the comments you left. Yes even you Wave1000 and I apologize for calling you out, it's just when you left that "who cares comment" in one of Twintails' old topics it made me think you'd do the same here. I can't really say how I feel now, I was awake since around 10am this morning, but was too depressed and unmotivated to get up, so I remained in bed until about 1:30pm, yeah I was that unhappy. With no one to see, nothing to be excited for, it's too difficult to just do anything. sigh but reading your comments alongside the PMs I was recieving from some members did make me a feel a bit better, although in truth online friends don't really substitute RL friends for me. But it still feels nice knowing that there're ppl who care. sigh tomorrow is another shitty boring as day at school. sigh I wish I can withdraw and find a job flipping burgers, but my folks will rip me a new one if I did. Le sigh.  |
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Post by h2foxo on Oct 12, 2014 15:31:05 GMT -5
tigerfestival just be patient and you will get to where you want to be.
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Post by Dai-T on Oct 12, 2014 17:26:44 GMT -5
Thanks everyone, your words mean alot to me. I wasn't sure if posting this was a good idea, since I thought that no one would care or I'd get nasty responses due to the nasty stigma depression has. I'm glad that you guys left the comments you left. Yes even you Wave1000 and I apologize for calling you out, it's just when you left that "who cares comment" in one of Twintails' old topics it made me think you'd do the same here. I can't really say how I feel now, I was awake since around 10am this morning, but was too depressed and unmotivated to get up, so I remained in bed until about 1:30pm, yeah I was that unhappy. With no one to see, nothing to be excited for, it's too difficult to just do anything. sigh but reading your comments alongside the PMs I was recieving from some members did make me a feel a bit better, although in truth online friends don't really substitute RL friends for me. But it still feels nice knowing that there're ppl who care. sigh tomorrow is another shitty boring as day at school. sigh I wish I can withdraw and find a job flipping burgers, but my folks will rip me a new one if I did. Le sigh. try not to go into a new day thinking it will be bad and if by chance it does go bad try and salvage something, listen to that old cd you said you was going to but you out it off. we put off alot of things when we are busy when you have a bad day it is nice to vist a time when you was happy whatever it is for you the happy memories are still there just call on them to give you strength. I had to do this alot all my times in the hospital. oh you must have not seen my advice thread where I helped T.T if you want you can pm me I had many friends that feel like you do. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2014 18:08:12 GMT -5
tigerfestival just be patient and you will get to where you want to be. No offense, but I've heard this so many times and nothing's change(whether I put in effort or not) I'm not trying to be a negative Nancy it's just hard to hang on when your really down and out, too boot there is no real guarantee things will turn out the way I hoped. I'm more than positive there're ppl out there that are still suffering in midst of their hard work on trying to right every wrong. I mentioned before that after I'm done with my course that I'm not guaranteed a job afterwards or a permanent long term job. Sigh. How would things get better for me then if I can't find work or friends for that matter? Dai-TThanks. I tried waking up earlier than usual but always fail because I'm too depressed to get up. This morning I said to myself I'm going to finish a sprite project I've been meaning to finish, but never got to it. I'm currently trying to finish up a sprite revamp for one of my characters, even though it's 96% complete, trying to accomplish the last 4% feels somewhat like a chore to me, but I'm kinda forcing myself, but it won't last. I do look back at good memories, but all it does is further solidify my desire to no longer live sadly, since the good in my life was taken from me. But thanks anyways guys. TBH simple stuff like PMs to check up on me, or trying to cheer me up in my topic helps me a bit, it did help me through the day on Friday when Poog Ayanami Ikaruga and Hibari PM'd me to see what was wrong. Although two of em stopped. But ppl can only have so much patience you know. So i don't hold it against them for it. Nonetheless thanks anyways guys sigh |
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Post by Dai-T on Oct 12, 2014 18:48:00 GMT -5
tigerfestival just be patient and you will get to where you want to be. No offense, but I've heard this so many times and nothing's change(whether I put in effort or not) I'm not trying to be a negative Nancy it's just hard to hang on when your really down and out, too boot there is no real guarantee things will turn out the way I hoped. I'm more than positive there're ppl out there that are still suffering in midst of their hard work on trying to right every wrong. I mentioned before that after I'm done with my course that I'm not guaranteed a job afterwards or a permanent long term job. Sigh. How would things get better for me then if I can't find work or friends for that matter? Dai-TThanks. I tried waking up earlier than usual but always fail because I'm too depressed to get up. This morning I said to myself I'm going to finish a sprite project I've been meaning to finish, but never got to it. I'm currently trying to finish up a sprite revamp for one of my characters, even though it's 96% complete, trying to accomplish the last 4% feels somewhat like a chore to me, but I'm kinda forcing myself, but it won't last. I do look back at good memories, but all it does is further solidify my desire to no longer live sadly, since the good in my life was taken from me. But thanks anyways guys. TBH simple stuff like PMs to check up on me, or trying to cheer me up in my topic helps me a bit, it did help me through the day on Friday when Poog Ayanami Ikaruga and Hibari PM'd me to see what was wrong. Although two of em stopped. But ppl can only have so much patience you know. So i don't hold it against them for it. Nonetheless thanks anyways guys sigh I was not talking about get up and do work you don't want to but something you feel is easy and you can feel relaxed. doing art requires creativity and that may not come now. please don't dismiss what fox said so quickly I have said the same thing too those I know and they respond like you but then the time does come but if you are not ready to see the opportunity when it comes you will miss it. it's times like this you should get more bold and not hold back your feelings , sometimes you just to get eveything off your chest and what happends happends but now going forward you don't have this weight on you. even if you would embarrassed that won't last forever and in life this stage is unavoidable. I know your pride may not let you seek medical help right now for a second opinion but you should always consider just getting a pro opinion before saying things you will regret. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2014 19:08:43 GMT -5
Dai-T I'm not too prideful to admit I need medical help. I even mentioned it to Poog in a PM we had one Friday. I'm fully aware I'm not mentally stable due to massive bullying,extreme hardships like when my brother threatened me and my sister's lives and abused us physically,not to mention not too long ago a relative of mine murdered someone and is now in prison,and of course my so called friends shafting me, so yeah all these events left me traumatized and I know I need medical help, problem is the money. I have no source of income, and free help from what I heard isn't really good. So now I'm just hanging on by a thread, but not much else to say. Sigh.
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Post by Dai-T on Oct 12, 2014 19:27:01 GMT -5
Dai-T I'm not too prideful to admit I need medical help. I even mentioned it to Poog in a PM we had one Friday. I'm fully aware I'm not mentally stable due to massive bullying,extreme hardships like when my brother threatened me and my sister's lives and abused us physically,not to mention not too long ago a relative of mine murdered someone and is now in prison,and of course my so called friends shafting me, so yeah all these events left me traumatized and I know I need medical help, problem is the money. I have no source of income, and free help from what I heard isn't really good. So now I'm just hanging on by a thread, but not much else to say. Sigh. [/quote try to work out a payment plan. if there is one thing I know is medical bills and there are no ways around it at some point in your life you will face them if not when you choose and can plan it will come when you can't plan and left wondering what too do with more stress. no source of income how are you getting by if I may ask? if you are staying with someone it's time to put hobbies aside and put health first, if you are serious others will see this. |
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Post by Dai-T on Oct 12, 2014 19:34:18 GMT -5
would you say you lost the ability to trust people?
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Post by Poog on Oct 12, 2014 20:29:21 GMT -5
I think there's free hotlines. Might not be the overall best, but y'know, its better than nothing.
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Post by Dai-T on Oct 12, 2014 20:36:52 GMT -5
don't think that is good advice he has serious problems. hotline is for I lost my job or my gf/bf left my life as I know is over what do I do.
more simple short term depression.
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Wave1000 don't come in here with your trolling and playing Devil's Advocate, now's NOT the time for that. I also decided to just let the public know instead of keeping it private. Now you guys all know why I ran off. Although TBH since I'm really miserable I might just run off again(and the other forums I go to)and just lie down in my bed and sleep all day crying and wishing for death.
